Unloading the Dishwasher
Recently Dee and I were watching a Christian broadcast which had a small
gathering of Christian women. Each woman had a professional career and
most in this group was married with children. There was a guest in their
midst who was an author and the group discussion was touching upon a book
which the author had written. They were addressing the differences between
men and women and how challenging it is for a man and a woman to have
a meaningful relationship with each other within marriage. Remarks like:
women can multitask while men can only focus on one task at a time and
when a man does fulfill a single task; like watching the children for
the afternoon; he needs to have his fragile ego attended to so that he
can feel that he’s the man. One woman actually used a few peacock
feathers for a visual aide. Marriage was being described as a union of
a man and a woman with each being in a trench; with both finding it to
be very risky to make the first move of making oneself vulnerable to the
other to satisfy their spouse’s needs. The author was trying to
encourage woman to make the first move no matter how difficult the situation
was. That meant, for example if you asked your husband to empty the dishwasher
and he doesn’t do it; have understanding and forgiveness for him
after you expressed your disappointment in the matter. The author then,
if I remember correctly, stated that it is important not to whitewash
the matter, but then with a firm resolve for reconciliation pursue a solution
with a loving, understanding and forgiving attitude even if you don’t
feel like it. Then one of the other women remarked; “ that’s
all fine, but how can I get my husband to empty the dishwasher when I
want him to?” Since they were running out of time, the host asked
the author to close in prayer. She prayed asking God to help all married
women to be better wives for their husbands; to give them wisdom and strength
to help meet their husbands needs. To try to keep a proper balance in
this matter I do recall hearing a popular male author and speaker teaching
his male audience that if men desire to have their needs met from their
wives that they need to put more of an effort into romance and communication.
He used, if I remember correctly a fishing rod for an example. He said
that if a man wants to get favorable results from his fishing rod he needs
to take tender loving care of it; so it is in his relationship with his
wife. As your reading this commentary, your probably wandering by now
where am I going with all this? My concern is this; when psychology, even
when it is being supported by Bible verses, is being applied in men and
women’s lives for the purpose of achieving a successful “Christian”
marriage, which would be honoring unto God, and the Holy Spirit of Christ
Jesus is not being depended upon in the motive and details of the process,
then such well meaning sacrificial gestures may come across as manipulative
and self-serving. I’m quite sure both of those authors would agree
and that their teachings, taken within the proper context, would probably
reflect that. God alone knows their hearts and the hearts of their audience.
Philippians 2
3)Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of
mind let each esteem other better than themselves.
4)Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things
of others.
5)Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
© Copyright 2006
Mr David Jobes